IIN LOVING MEMORY OF BOTH MY PARENTS.

MY MOTHER PASSED VERY RECENTLY AND MY FATHER A FEW YEARS AGO…..

THE PAIN IS STILL VERY RAW FOR MY MOTHER …………….THE PAIN HAS HEALED FOR MY FATHER AS ITS BEEN AWHILE THAT HE HAS BEEN GONE.    NO ONE CAN PREPARE YOU FOR THE PASSING OF A PARENT I THOUGHT I WOULD BE OK THIS TIME WITH MY MOTHER PASSING …..THOUGH THIS HAS TURNED OUT TO BE NOT TRUE………I FEEL A DEEP HOLLOWNESS WITHIN AND FEEL LIKE IM SITTING ON THE EDGE WATCHING MY DAILY LIFE GO BY…….THERE IS A LOT OF TEARS UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES WITH OUT WARNING  ……THIS I REALISE IS DEEP SORROW ..THE REALISATION THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND TALK WITH MY MUM AGAIN IS HARD TO PHATHOM. EVEN THOUGH THE LATER YEARS OF HER LIFE  WERE NOT AS ENJOYABLE TO HER AS EARLIER TIMES .BUT YOU COULD STILL GET AN OCCASIONAL LAUGH AND A GOOD MEMORY . I COULD ALWAYS GET MY MOTHER TO TALK ABOUT THE GARDEN AND FLOWERS THIS WAS A TOPIC WE HAD IN COMMON AND ENJOYED IMMENSLEY BETWEEN OUSELVES. I INHERITED THIS LOVE OF GROWING THINGS FROM HER I ADORE COLOUR AND IT PLAYS A BIG PART IN MY EVERYDAY LIFE .

MUM WAS A LADY FROM THE OLD SCHOOL THAT EXPECTED ALL THE I ‘S TO BE DOTTED AND THINGS DONE JUST THE WAY THEY WERE SUPPOSE TO . SHE DID FIND IT VERY HARD TO LET THOSE SHE LOVED TO KNOW HOW SHE FELT..THIS WAS A ON GOING BONE OF CONTENTION BETWEEN HER AND ME …SHE WOULD SAY TO ME I DO LOVE YOU ALL THOUGH IT WAS VERY HARD TO REMEMBER WHEN SHE LAST SHOWED ANYONE HOW SHE FELT ABOUT THEM.

I KNOW ANYONE MAY THINK THIS IS HARSH WRITING THIS SEEING SHE IS NOT HERE TO ANSWER AND ANSWER SHE WOULD HAVE . THIS IS WRITTEN OUT OF LOVE AND TO HELP US ALL KNOW AND EXCEPT THAT WE ALL HAVE FAULTS GOOD AND BAD ….

SHE WAS A DAUGHTER..WIFE..AUNT..MOTHER..GRANDMOTHER AND A BEST FRIEND AND WAS NOT IN ANYWAY PERFECT AS NON OF US ARE.. SHE DID THE BEST SHE COULD IN HER LONG LIFE TO THE BEST OF HER ABILITY EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES I JUDGED HER AND DIDNT FEEL THAT IT WAS ENOUGH..AND JUDGE HER I DID NOT STOPPING TO THINK THAT MY OWN LIFE HAS NOT BEEN ON A EVEN KEEL. MUM I REALISE NOW THAT WE CANT SEE THINGS THROUGH YOUR EYES AS THEY ARE NOT OURS. WE HAVE NOT LIVED YOUR LIFE AND GONE THROUGH YOUR PAIN AND YOUR EXPERIENCES SO IT WAS WRONG OF ME TO JUDGE YOU OR QUESTION YOU IS MORE LIKE IT .I WANTED TO HEAR FROM YOUR LIPS WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR AND NOTHING ELSE WOULD MATTER.

IN LATER YEARS ALL I WANTED( HERE IT IS AGAIN WHAT I WANTED) WAS TO SEE YOU SAFE AND TO LIVE OUT YOUR LIFE AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE.THOUGH THIS WAS NOT TO HAPPEN AS YOU WERE A VERY STUBBURN WOMAN AND WANTED TO CARE FOR YOURSELF.

YOU DIDNT WANT CARE YOU WANTED TO LIVE IN YOUR OWN HOME AND CARE FOR YOURSELF …EVEN THOUGH THIS WAS GETTING VERY IMPOSSIBLE …AS YOUR HEALTH WAS AILING VERY FAST AT TIMES. SO WE DID ALL RALLY TO TRY AND GET YOU TO SEE REASON OF COURSE THIS COURSED PRESSURE AND UNREST WITH ALL US SIBLINGS . YOUR SON ENDED UP COMING DOWN TO BE YOUR CARER .I AM SORRY MUM FOR MY PART IN MAKING YOU FEEL THAT ALL YOU THOUGHT WE WANTED WAS TO PUT YOU INTO CARE …THOUGH I THINK I CAN SPEAK FOR ALL YOUR SIBLINGS  WAS

TO KEEP YOU SAFE AND CARED FOR AND TO LIVE OUT THE LAST OF YOUR YEARS IN COMFORT.

NOW I REALISE YOU DID NOT SEE ANY OF THESE THINGS THAT WE WORRIED ABOUT ..YOU JUST WANTED TO STAY IN YOUR HOME WHERE THINGS WERE FAMILIAR AND YOU KNEW THAT YOUR MEMORYS WERE THERE AND YOU DID FEEL SAFE WITH ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS SURROUNDING YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS .I SAY IF ONLY YOU WOULD OF TALKED ABOUT IT WE COULD OF COME TO SOME SORT OF HALF WAY MARK .

THOUGH HOW COULD YOU WHEN YOU WERE NOT TAUGHT TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS  YOU WERE THE PARENT AND US THE CHILDREN  .THIS IS PLAIN AND SIMPLE YOU DIDNT KNOW HOW .

I DONT BLAME MYSELF THOUGH A LITTLE SAD THAT WE DIDNT GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER THE WAY I WOULD OF LIKED …. THOUGH I WILL HOLD ONTO THE GOOD AND HAPPY TIMES  AND COUNT MY BLESSINGS THAT I HAVE THESE MEMORYS TO CHERISH A LIFE TIME…

NOW IM SURE YOU ARE WITH DAD AND STANDING HOLDING HANDS AND LOOKING DOWN ON ME WRITING THIS AND SAYING I DO UNDERSTAND  ITS ALRIGHT………….BE AT PEACE TO ALL MY SIBLINGS AS I KNOW THAT IM ON MY WAY AND IM NOW AT PEACE………..

ROZ

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU FEEL YOUR LIFE IS IN TURMOIL YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS OPEN TO YOU ….

WETHER YOU GO INTO ACTION AND TRY TO MOVE ON AND WORK OUT WHERE YOU ARE GOING OR …..

BE STILL THIS IS THE OPTION I CHOSE TO BE STILL WITHIN MYSELF….I DIDNT KNOW OF A DIRECTION TO BEGIN TO REACH TOWARDS ….

SO I PUT THE BREAKS ON AND THOUGHT I NEED TO FEEL STRONG WITHIN MY BODY AND MY SOUL…..THESE AREAS NEEDED NURTURING NUTURING OF THE SELF..GET MIND AND BODY BACK TO FEELING GOOD ..THIS WAS MY FIRST PLAN OF ACTION .

I CAN GLADLY SAY THIS HAS WORKED AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IN MYSELF .MY THOUGHTS ARE MORE CLEAR AND NOT SO MUDDLED .

I CAN SEE THE ARTISTIC AREAS SLOWLY COMING BACK INTO MY THOUGHTS AND MY WORTH OF SELF IS SO MUCH MORE GROUNDED.

I HAVE A SENSE OF SAYING IT IS OK WHERE IM AT .. THIS STAGE OF MY LIFE ….I DONT NEED TO QUESTION WHERE I AM AND THINK I SHOULD BE HERE…THIS IS ALL OK I AM OK IN MY LIFE AT THIS PRESENT TIME IT IS ALL GOOD.

THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT RELAXING IN THE SELF IS …YOU DONT KNOW WHAT EXPERIENCES WILL BE PRESENTED TO YOU ..IT IS LIKE HAVING A LUCKY DIP YOU REACH IN AND TAKE A PARCEL AND OPEN AND SEE WHAT DELIGHTS ARE WITHIN.

THE WONDER OF PATIENCE IS FULLFILLING I DONT KNOW IF I WOULD OF BEEN TOTALLY READY FOR THIS EARLIER IN MY LIFE ….ALL I WANTED WAS TO EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING IN LIFE  AND TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.

SO I WILL KEEP WALKING ..STRETCHING..DESIGNING IDEAS WITHIN MY SOUL..LAUGHING ..

THIS IS HOW I HELPED MYSELF ALONG………

I SAT QUIET IN A PLACE  WHERE I FELT COMFORTABLE AND SAFE ….

ALLOWED MY THOUGHTS TO BRING INTO THE FORE FRONT THE THINGS THAT WERE WORRYING ME….CAN I GIVE ANY OF THESE THINGS MY ATTENTION NOW ….IF SO WRITE THEM DOWN AND DEAL WITH THEM ONE AT A TIME AND TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY AND THEN KNOW THAT YOU HAVE DONE YOUR UTMOST TO SORT THE WORRYS…

NEXT THE WORRYS THAT ARE LEFT THAT YOU CANT OR DONT KNOW HOW TO ADDRESS ..LET THEM GO

THE THINGS THAT ABSOLUTELY NEED ADDRESSING ARE NOT AS BAD AS THEY ONCE SEEMED WHEN YOU ADDRESS THEM….THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO SORT THEM AND LET THEM GO……

IT IS A LIGHTENING OF THE SPIRIT AND YOU FEEL QUIET TRIUMPHANT THAT YOU HAVE TRIED AT THE BEST OF YOUR ABILITY TO DEAL WITH THESE ISSUES .

NOTE….IF A ISSUE NEEDS ADDRESSING IMEDIATELY AND YOU DONT KNOW OR HAVE THE RESOURSES ASK FOR HELP …….

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND BE HONEST AND HAPPY WITH YOUR LIFE …

ITS UP TO YOU TO US TO TRUST IN LIFES PROCESS……..

ROZ

LIFE HAS DEFINATELY THROWN ME A FEW CURVE BALLS OVER THE PASS FEW MONTHS.I FIND MYSELF IN CONTENPLATION ON WHERE IM AT IN MY LIFE.

I HAVE A WONDERFUL FAMILY AND HOME ,WHICH I CALL MY HAVEN .

ALL THOSE THINGS I WISHED FOR WHEN I REACHED THIS STAGE OF MY LIFE .SO WHY IS THIS NOT ENOUGH ,WHY DO I KEEP WANTING SOME MORE PURPOSE IN MY LIFE OR MORE FREEDOM AWAY FROM LIFES DOS AND DONTS.FROM THE NORM IN EVERYDAY LIFE.

THESE ARE THE THINGS I FEEL I NEED TO MAKE SOME CHANGES IN MY LIFE.

SO IM ON ANOTHER OF LIFES JOURNEYS TO FIND OUT WHAT I NEED TO MAKE ME FEEL FULLFILLED AND CONTENT AND JOYOUS IN MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN. THERE IS A FEW PROJECTS OR IDEAS THAT ARE FLOATING AROUND IN MY HEAD .

TO WAKE UP EACH DAY AND LIKE WHERE YOUR AT IS ESSENTIAL TO YOUR WELL BEING SO THIS IS THE JOURNEY THAT IM ON.

WILL KEEP YOU POSTED .

ROZ

MAKING NEW FRIENDS , HELPING PEOPLE TO HAVE SOMEONE IN THEIR LIVES WHEN THERE IS NO ONE.

SPREADING  POSITIVE ENERGY WHEN WE ARE IN COLLECTIVE GROUPS.

THIS IS A TIME FOR LAUGHTER , FOR HUGGING .

ALL THESE POSITIVE ACTIONS THIS IS CHRISTMAS .

ITS NOT ABOUT GIFTS ITS ABOUT COLLECTIVE PEOPLE GETTING TOGETHER .

THIS CAN BE FAMILY ,FRIENDS ,FRIENDS OF FRIENDS AND TOTAL STRANGERS.

THIS CAN BE ANY TIME ,EVERY DAY WE DONT NEED SPECIAL CELEBRATION DAYS TO REMIND US TO BE CARING ,LOVING AND TO ASSIST A TOTAL STRANGER .

THIS CAN BE EVERY DAY ALL THESE ACTIONS WOULD BUILD UP FOR POSITIVE ACTION AND ENERGY IN OUR WORLD .

CAN YOU IMAGINE EVERYONE BEING CARING , LOVING AND HELP WHEN HELP IS NEEDED IN THE WORLD ,THERE WOULD BE SUPPORT OF EACH OTHER IN THE HUMAN RACE .

THESE ARE MY WORDS ; LOVE ,LIGHT ,HUMILITY AND COMPASSION .

EVERYBODY ENJOY YOUR FESTIVE TIME AND DONT FORGET TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN SOMEONES LIFE.

ROZ

THE LIFE OF RILEY BASKING IN THE SUN ………

THE THREE SISTERS BLUE MOUNTAINS NSW

KYAKING ON A RIVER OUTLET FROM PULMUS STONE PASSAGE CALOUNDRA QUEENSLAND.

CLAVELLY BEACH ON THE ROCKS SYDNEY BEACH NSW.

The  spiral design that makes up the centre of this bloom just adds to the beauty.

This is one of many perfect creations in our garden world.                                                                                                    This one is a arum lilly as well ,  as you can see the formation of the bloom    is   a little different.

 Very deep indentations   in the throat of the bloom ,which gives it a different shape and design .

Still the pure white and more of a cream and yellow centre .

This is another photo taken from a side angle.

See how tall and long  the neck is ,it gives the bloom a different shape .

The exstended piece at the tip of the flower makes for a unusual bloom.

With a dew drop right on the tip .                                                                                                                        

This is another difference in the same type of flower.

See the tinting of colour within the flower .

This is from the same plant as all the rest .

It is amazing that they have all grown from the same plant , but are all different.

As  like in the world of us human beings  everyone of us is perfect ,though sometimes we may look different to the other but being different doesnt make us any less perfect to anyone else.  So WHAT IS PERFECTION…………………………..

COMPLETENESS IN ITS ENTIRETY………………………………………

ROZ

Isnt this picture calming and relaxing it was taken on our recent holiday in Port Douglas.

The colour green ,it is healing to place the hands upon the leaves and feel in tune with the living plant . The beauty of the striking flowers that grow within these wonderful specimens of nature.To lay the hands upon the green lush grass ,it is cooling ,calming ,and your mind seems to clear of all fog and helps you to see more clearly.                                                                            This picture of a sun rise the colours are so rich .I could look at these colours for ages.These also lift the mind put the mind into a sense of balance and calm .

Hoping you get a sense of wellness and energy from looking at these photos I have posted.

ROZ

I felt right at home when  we landed in the humid heat at Cairns airport. We were then whisked off by a shuttle bus that met us and transported us to our accomodation in Port Douglas .

On the Sunday morning we walked all around the Port Douglas township .So relaxing and layed back ,even though it was 30 degrees plus.

We found out that the local markets were on by the water front.So off we went .

What a amazing markets ,I always love the Queensland markets as there seems to be alot of creative people that gravitate to these regions. Creations of every calabre .Love the free lance jewellery with shells and gems and pearls ,amazing trinkets. Came across the sugar cane man standing making juice from the sugar cane ,how interesting was that. Alot of clothing creations by local designers and surrounding areas. Timber works from small items to large objects.

One of my favourites was the flower lady ,she grows her own tropical delights of colour and texture .Gingers with the many different flower heads ,they were pretty cheap to buy cut ready for any show piece in your home. There were an array of orchid flower plants , something I love to grow.  All in all you can guess it I do miss these brilliance of colours and beautys.

Right by the side of this market I could hear singing I turned and noticed a beautiful white church and this was where the singing was coming from .It was amazing the song mixed amongst the buzzle and congregation  of the joining of people and the many creations of this market. Of course I gravitated towards the church and as I got closer the singing was amazingly uplifting and seem to surround the entire area. I was about to go towards the doors and then the singing stopped and people were walking out the doors. I was still in awe of the singing and the uplifting feeling it had given me ,I was just standing there in the moment. There  also was a structure next to the church with a beautiful large bell for ringing.

What a amazing find it made my day and on my return next time I deffinately will visit my church by the sea and try my voice out and catch another passer by and leave them in awe.

I felt I needed to share my experience with you all and as the days go on will write little snippets on my holiday.Have a wonderful day .

ROZ

Its great during the year to have short breaks and recharge .Everyone needs this nobody is descrimanated against.

So here it is a longer charge time .To have your time as your own .

I am off to Port Douglas with the man of my dreams my husband.

To enjoy me time and our time together.

We will be so relaxed like a lizard drinking. The swimming will be the highlight as we both love to swim ,especially when the water will be warmer than home .

To wander along Nine Mile Beach this is like a meditation ,hearing the water lapping the shoreline and the sand squishing between the toes .Sitting on the sand and daydreaming afar.

To take more photos to add to my ever growing repertoire .

So by now you have the picture .

Excuse the punt!

So next time you feel you need a break ,think about what you really need ,so many of us organise holidays and end up the entire time running around .So on our return home we find we need a holiday to get over a holiday.

We have done this in the past.Now its easy if we need rest we pick a spot that caters for our needs to accomplish this.

So I will return loaded with lots of information and photos .Take care

ROZ